Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.
James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
We had plans to spend our Valentine's Day with the kids and some sub sandwiches, at the beach, watching the sunset! The rain foiled our plans! But also, my bug came home with three roses, for his three daughters! That was another emotional wrench thrown into my night! I was overwhelmed with sadness as I stood in the kitchen holding Jessa's flower! "She is not here, she doesn't even know how much she is loved!" Needless to say I cried! I know, completely shocking to those of you who know me well! But this little cry in the kitchen was the pathway to one of the best Valentine Days we have had! I had this brilliant idea, and after a few small pleas to my hubby, we headed to airport! THE AIRPORT? Yes, I was ready to hop on a plane and spend the rest of my time, waiting, in China! Okay, maybe that is not the complete truth, but I did have a great idea up my sleeve! We ended up at Panda Express and got our food to go, next stop was the top floor of the parking garage at Tampa International Airport! We at our Chinese food and watched planes take off and land! It made us all a little giddy, okay maybe Jason wasn't giddy! But we were contemplating our own plane ride in the next 4-5 weeks! Call me nutty, but I felt so close to my Jessa tonight! After dinner and of course pictures, we had a few kiddos that needed a potty break! Jason suggested we wait until our next surprise stop, but I insisted we not wait (HOW THOUGHTFUL OF ME RIGHT?) hahaha! NO it was a selfish scheme to get my spontaneous bug INTO the airport!!! WOOHOOO , another step closer to running and buying a ticket - ha :) We took some pictures in the bathroom, okay Jason and the boys were not a part of these festivities, but my girlfriends and I did! Then we were on our way to our next surprise! We took the kids to Build A Bear and made Jessa a special friend named Bella! I know it would be considered an interesting choice of stops to most, but it was absolutely perfect to me!
Here is a preview of our evening, through the lens of my phone! I couldn't love these sweet people of mine more!
Happy Valentine's Day ♥
Jessa, it is about lunch time for you now as I sit here thinking about your adorable little self! I want you to know how much you were missed tonight. We need you here now, but trust that God has a perfect plan in place for us to meet your sweet face! Love you to the moon and back~ Mommy xoxox
How long do you want to be loved Is forever enough Cause I'm never, never giving you up
I have heard this song by the Dixie Chicks numerous times, but tonight it stands out to me. Maybe because we are in process and my heart is aching to hold my girl, a precious four year old that sits half way around the world who has NO IDEA the multitude of love in my heart for her! But also because I have an affectionate, gracious, passionate, zestful, little boy that sits so perfectly in my arms tonight! Most of the time he accepts my love with no questions! But then there are those days when he requires me to affirm it! He tells me that I will love him forever, in a questioning type of way. He brings up the days mischief, bad choices, and asks me again if I will love him forever? He reminds me that I will never leave him, never let him down, and always love him! It is a conversation that will break your heart, if you are caught off guard. But it is an easy conversation to be had, because my reply is ALWAYS the same. "Jackzhen you could never be so naughty that mommy would EVER stop loving you, God gave you to me, and I DO LOVE YOU, I WILL LOVE YOU, I AM YOUR MOMMY FOREVER!" Then sometimes I tell him "no no captain hook, you can not take my Jackzhen, go away go away!" he likes that part ♥
I can honestly say I was not prepared for these types of conversations a year ago. But that is okay, God equips you with the tools you need at the time!
I am sure that my Jessa will have her own share of questions and required affirmations! I am ready to remind her, love her, encourage her, and SHOW her what love is....
I hope forever is enough, because I am never going to give them up ♥
Oh God you are my God and I will ever praise you, Oh God you are my God and I will ever praise you, I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your waaaaaays, and step by step you'll lead me, and I will follow you all of my days!
I will let these pictures speak for the goodness of my GOD ♥
CHINESE VISAS ARRIVED, x's Six !!!!
OUR CHINA SHIRTS MADE THEIR WAY HOME -
ONE LESS :)
OH ME OH MY COULD IT BE??? -
It didn't get thrown in with File 13 afterall!
PDF AND CABLED - I CAN'T TAKE IT!
My bug is such a good sport and photography skills
go to the one and only Maddie Rae, haha :)
We are just amazed at how our God lavishes gifts upon us! He is so faithful, even when we are not. Four things in one day, thank you Jesus! Our Article 5 was dropped off today, Wednesday in China! We will run into Chinese New Year so our pick up won't be until February 20th. BUT after it is picked up, we are officially waiting on Travel Approval - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sweet goodness!
My morning devotion was on Psalm 105 and said this, "Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds. And also Colossians 3, " And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful!"
WHOA- talk about speaking right to you from heaven kind of moments! I have been bogged down with the "should have been syndrome". I have a timeline in my head and this process is not meeting my standards. I needed a "hold your horses" kind of moment and it has arrived! For whatever reason our I800 application, which is the "Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative", has taken 4 weeks from start to finish and it usually takes about 2. Although that is not a big deal to most of you reading this, it is a big deal to those in this painfully long process! If I was not such a busy mama, I think I would seriously consider taking up the cause to shed the light on what a waste of time this I800 process is! No, not just for me :) But the entire process is very redundant and completely archaic! But I have much more exciting things to look forward to, so I will just happily leave that step of this process in the dust!!!
So we finally have our Guangzhou number and we will hopefully be cabled tomorrow! I could go on and on with what comes next and when I think we could leave, etc. But I am remebering my, "wake up dummy" moment from this morning, and choosing to allow peace to rule in my heart! Living in the future steals the joy of NOW and I don't want to live like that anymore! I want to praise my God for his greatness, even when the ways are not mine! God is good, all the time!
He knows the day when we will see her face for the first time. I am confident in that day, because it is orchestrated by him. Regardless of the earthly circumstances that I endure, that day is meant to be, and I happy about that!
During the second week of our trip to C**** there will be a medical appointment in GZ. There is a TB test (the under the skin bubble kind) that they perform. Last year, Jackzhen was able to sit on my lap and it was very quick! He didn't flinch much anyways, but it was nice to be able to hold him! Unfortunately, we just found out this week they have changed the policy....
Changes with Tuberculosis Testing in C**** If your child is over the age of 2, it is mandatory that they are tested for tuberculosis while you are in C****. This occurs towards the end of your trip during your child's medical exam. The U.S. Consulate in GZ recently implemented some changes and will now be doing a blood test, rather than the shot. The benefit to this testing change is that families will no longer have to return to have the tuberculosis test read. Tuberculosis testing does not apply to families who are adopting a child 2 years of age or younger.
As if taking blood isn't traumatic enough, we also found out that we CAN NOT be in the room :( Another AP (adoptive parent) that was just there last week said that other parents tried to go in and they were escorted right out! Two nurses take the child and a man nurse stands by the door! NICE HUH? You have one week with your child, bonding, loving, comforting the grief, and then on the 5th day this happens! I am so furious, sad, furious, and scared for her! This is just the thing that made me want to leave that country as quickly as possibly in 2012. I hated the feeling of being herded like cattle! Being told what to do and when, who to gift and how, completely and totally like a peon!
Please continue to pray for our process, for her safety, and everything that is to come for our sweet girl! Specifically, please pray that she would be prepared for the day she meets us, that she would know us, she would feel safe with us. Please also pray that they would change this, "no parent policy" before we travel sometime in mid-late March!
I am thinking about my girl. A LOT. A friend that I met through this process traveled this week to adopt her daughter, Abby. She is so thoughtful and willing, that GiGi friend of mine! She took our pre-approval letter, along with two gifts we sent for Jessa, with her to China. On Monday she was able to meet our girl♥ I didn't sleep much Sunday night as I thought immensely about the moment she would see my beautiful girl's face! At 5:21 pm I got 6 pictures, through text, that instantly brought me to tears! They were pictures of Jessa wearing a necklace that I made for her, ones of her holding the pillow with our family picture on it, she is tenderly pointing to Jackzhen in one of the pictures! It was such a perfect end to a crummy, emotional day. The internet connection in China is spotty and so her next few texts came to me over a 24 hour period. It was perfect though, gave me time to celebrate before the next one came! The words that she texted to me, from so so far away, were sweet reminders of our Sovereign Lords provision. The first said this...
Oh how sweet your girl is!!!They adore her!She is so bright and happy and perfect They
were so concerned that you might get there before spring festival because
apparently she is the star of their show!!And by the way she walks perfectly fine!
I'm not joking about being the star of their show
either!!! They are seriously worried about it!!! It was interesting to hear Director Gao tell the story about
Jessas disruption - I did not ask by the way they told me matter of factly that
another family came to adopt her and that because she was limping the father
decided she was delayed and requested the disruption. They said the mom cried
and cried.I told Director Gao that I know
your family and that Jessa story will have an amazingly happy ending and that
she was meant for you.Director Gao
reared up and just said thank you over and over.I totally get what Megan meant when she said
she is so happy to see these kids adopted.Words can't express the difference in the lives of those who get adopted
and those that don't!!!Off to bed -
exhausted- hugs and sleep good tonight knowing Jessa is an amazing perfect
little miracle.
It was a wonderful day that caused this mama insomnia the next evening as well! I can't help it, I just don't need a lot of sleep anyways and then when my mind is racing and thinking about Jessa, well, there is no hope for some shut eye! The words to those texts haven't left my head since I read them. They are so moving and exciting, and so thought provoking! I couldn't help but notice the parallel to Jackzhen's story. He too was the "star" of Wuzhou Social Welfare Institute. You could do a Badu search of that SWI and find Jackzhen's face every time. One time in particular his class was being interviewed by a local news station. Jackzhen took the microphone from the man's hand and started singing in it! Everyone laughed! He was one of 10 young kids asked to be in the Chinese New Year celebration, and he still continues to shine his sweetness in our family as well! I just can't stinking wait to get Jessa home, love her to bits, and see how she interacts with Jackzhen, as well as the other children!
Pointing to her brother Jackzhen, hey he looks like me!!! ♥
I will serve you while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting, I will not fade..... I am listening to those words as I sit in another waiting room of this long process. It seems that the old saying, "hurry up and wait", was written for adoption! We made it through the wait of the LOA, celebrated for 2 days, now here we sit waiting again for our I800 paperwork to be reviewed and approved! Then the celebration and waiting process starts again for the next step! It goes on like that through the article 5, travel approval, consulate appointment date, booking tickets, waiting for departure, and finally, the wait while in China, for gotcha day. There is so much waiting in this process, it is painful, and not easy. This song says, "but faithfully I will wait! I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience, while I am waiting!" I claim the words to this song and confidently know there is a reason for our wait! During Jackzhen's adoption I felt as if I was just waiting, crying, whining, until the end. It was so very much like labor, the kind with no epidural or Lamaze class. It was long and painful! I look back and realize that there were so many times I failed to look up, instead of down in self pity! I wondered why God wanted us to wait 89 days for a letter of acceptance, when other people waited 45. Many times, I questioned instead of trusting. We finally made it to China on April 5th! We flew into Hong Kong and stayed one night there before flying out to Nanning the next day. Our flight was set to depart at 5:05pm. We made it to the gate by 2:00 because my sweet bug was not taking any chances of missing a flight in China! At around 4:00 our gate was changed, as well as the departure time. We were now set to leave at 5:50. That was the first of many changes. We made our way to another gate and met a fellow DTC Facebook friends, Robyn and Charles. It was our first "familiar" face and were thrilled to see them. Although we had never met them before, it was the commonality of adoption and the body of Christ that joined us as friends! After watching 10 Asian men work on the engine of our plane, in the dark, we were relieved when they brought in another plane for us to take. By this time it was 8:00, we were tired, hungry, and DONE! We boarded the plan and were all set to take off when the flight attendant came over the loud speaker. In broken English she announced that Hong Kong was running one runway and that there was a wait for take off. She said it would be three hours until take off! THREE HOURS UNTIL TAKE OFF!!! Sitting on a plane for 3 hours, with our three kids, after sitting in an airport for 6 hours, with our kids! Talk about the worst wait yet! But fear set in when I realized that we had no cell phone signal and no way of letting our travel agent know of the delay! She was the one that would let the guide, waiting in Nanning, know that we were coming and not to leave! I started panicking! What were we going to do. We would eventually take off and potentially get to Nanning, with no one waiting for us! It was the worst feeling of this whole process yet! We had our kids to protect and we were dwindling fast! Then, we remembered Robyn and Charles! The ONLY English speaking people on the plane! The only ones, who had a working cell phone. I made a text and took care of my fears. We took off about two hours later. We had a guide and instructions waiting for us at the other end. He carried us through! I reflected that night on the series of events and I found myself in tears. There is reason for everything, for every wait, for every relationship. It seemed very evident that night, the reason to everything that I questioned before. I was supposed to meet Robyn in our DTC group, we were meant to leave at the same time, fly to the same province, be on the same plane, because there is a purpose for everything under heaven, even the waiting! So as I sit here and wait on our I800 paperwork to be processed for our sweet little Jessa, I am trusting, worshipping, believeing, that God will reveal a perfect plan in the end. I hope to meet a "Robyn and Charles" during this upcoming trip to China! I love it when God finally reveals small glimpses of his plan before us like that, but rest assure, we will be the ones with the cell phone this time!
This year, 2012, has changed our lives! I say that honestly, not meant as a cheesy cliche. We were led half way around the world to a little boy, who couldn't have been made any more perfect for this family! He is silly, helpful, thoughtful, kind, willing, and now that I have puffed our family up to be completely awesome- I will also say he mirrors us in the area of impatience and messiness too. But in complete contrast to the latter, he is the biggest blessing to our family this entire year! I watched Jackzhen's adoption video again tonight as I reflected on this year and thought it would be a neat time to share it here again with all of you! God is good, we are the beneficiaries of his goodness, and Jackzhen is our reward......
Our signed LOA is on its way back to China and our I-800 process is officially underway! Those documents are off to the lock box in Texas. The form I-800 is our Petition to "Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative", thank you cut and paste! It was a New Years miracle that they made it in today's mail! So relieved.... Now we are off to make confetti to ring in this new year with 4 of our 5 kiddos ♥ Bring on 2013..........
One of our favorite restaurants is Wasabi! It is a Japanese restaurant that is owned and run by a bunch of super kind Chinese people!!! I love going in there, because they always forget who I am and I can tell them our story again! They love Jackzhen and love to hear about Jessa. In a strange way it makes me feel a little closer to our girl and they are just neat people who serve really good food! We thought it was the perfect place to celebrate our LOA. I can't wait to bring my Jessa Zhao Mae there for the first time! I am sure she will rock the chopsticks better than any of us can dream!
Love you baby girl................
It was a good day. The kids, my mom, and I had lunch at our favorite little cafe, The Rising Sun, in Brooksville. We visited a local farmer for our veggies before heading home. The kids were jamming to Toby Mac, as I attempted to have a conversation with my mom. That is when I heard the DUCK QUACK!!!! My heart started beating VERY fast as I looked for my phone! The duck quack is a special ring that I have set for my agency and social worker, Kelsey!!! I was hoping that she wasn't just calling me to ask where I got my favorite boots ;) In the 6 seconds that it took me to answer the phone I thought, "surely it can't be her saying that she has my LOA, it is only day 38, but it is 4 weeks since we were out of translation, and that is the time frame that it could be!"......... All of that and "watch the road Mandy, you are driving!!!". The first thing out of her mouth was, quack quack! Very funny Kelsey. :) She then continued on with, "guess what I got in the mail???". I screamed - SERIOUSLY???". I was completely taken back by the phone call! I was hoping it would come sooner than normal because last time we waited a grueling 89 days. It was torture!!! But now that it actually did come early, I could not be still or let alone BREATHE!!!! Kelsey is the neatest social worker in the WORLD - she seriously has a heart for her families and these children that she places and advocates for! I just adore her. She is also exceptionally awesome because she let me scream in her ear, for 5 minutes!
The LOA is the big approval from China. It is the long "doozie of a wait", that makes every adoptive parent go a little stir crazy! If you look to the right of the blog you can see our timeline! It also shows you how quickly we went from LOA to travel during Jackzhen's adoption! It is about 2-2.5 months away now! I can't believe it! So many things are running through this brain. Normal things like, we need another car seat, she needs a bed, do we have enough clothes for this princess??? Then panicky things like, we have to find some toddler carriers because we are bringing 5 kids to China, (YES WE ARE NUTS!!!) I have to focus completely on SCHOOL, I have to find the right unit study for the great wall, OH MY................... I wouldn't trade this chaos running through my mind for anything - It was my dream to start the new year with an LOA and my prayers have been answered!
2013 is going to be an amazing year! I can't wait to get started on it!!!!
Jackzhen is obsessed with crosses! That child can make a cross out of any two perpendicular lines, I just love his abstract mind! Every time we see one, I remind him that the cross stands for Jesus dying on the cross so that we can have heaven! It is just a simple answer in order to plant the seed! Tonight before bed, he was admiring the Christmas tree in the boys room! He grabbed a cross ornament and said, "look momma this is a cross, where Jesus died, so we can go to heaven!" I smiled a big smile and said, "yes Jackzhen!!! Mommy asked Jesus into her heart and one day she will go to heaven, I am SO excited about that!". Before I could even finish my sentence, he looks at me with his "Jackzhen-like excitement" and says, "me too, lets pray momma!!!". So we prayed and thanked Jesus for dying for our sins and asked that God would continue to water the seed that was planted in Jackzhen's heart. We thanked God for loving Jackzhen and giving him to us, Amen! I told him that it was his turn to pray. Thinking that he would probably just pray for his usual, mommy and daddy, the kids, for jessa, and to please keep him safe, we proceeded. Now here is where the reason for this particular blog entry happened!!! He seriously leaves me in wonderment almost daily!
Dear God, for mommy and daddy, and thank you for Jesus dying on the cross so we can go to heaven, and thank you for the cross and the cross, and thank you for the cross, and for "all these kids" AMEN!
I often pray in front of Jackzhen and say, "thank you Lord for letting me be the mommy to all of these kids!". Jackzhen likes to quote that line most days, I don't think he knows he is one "of these kids" :) After his prayer, I of course started crying! He just starred at me! Poor kid still isn't use to how often this mommy's eyes water!!! He then said, "it is your turn to pray mommy, no crying mommy, just pray!" So I did! I thanked God for this amazing boy, that has been through so much, yet continues to persevere as if he has been in this family since day one! I thanked God for letting me parent such a neat kid! I have said it before, but I can.not.wait to see what God has in store for my Jackzhen. He is so intelligent, inquisitive, thoughtful, and just plan neat!
