Raw, Real, but a love that is forever!

I caved.... I wrote to the lady that disrupted Jessa's adoption in 2011. A disruption, for those of you wondering, is when adoptive parents complete the process, travel to adopt a child, and choose to return home without that child. It places a "red flag" on a child's file and sometimes ruins their chances of ever being adopted again... It is sadly becoming all too common of an occurrence in China/International adoptions lately! Both of my Asian babies have been effected by disruptions!   I wanted to ask her if she had any videos, pictures, information, that could help piece my daughters life together a little better! I was not looking for information that would change my mind for my precious girl, it is impossible to break the bond of love that God has placed in this heart.  I just wanted more pictures of her as a baby.  So I nervously wrote this lady and was thankful with her quick response! She was elated to discover that this sweet child had a family, a real family, to love her! She was also very generous with what she had.  She sent me pictures, thumb drives, videos, all from my sweet girls past.  I was beyond words when Jason came home today with the package.  I, of course, had it sent to his work because I am a nervous Nelly like that!!!  I spent two hours watching videos, staring at pictures, and reading over old emails.  Those in particular did nothing but frustrate me.  I had to read them quickly and not spend much time dwelling over them.  The same reasons that these two families, yes there were two, turned their backs on this precious child, were some of the same reasons we were drawn to her.

Because this is my blog, I can be completely honest here! I firmly believe that our two adopted children are ours! We were meant to be there parents! PERIOD! We gave our commitment to these children in our letter of intent and after that there is no turning back.  Questions and doubts can happen and I would even go so far as to say they are normal - but just like indigestion, they go away! Time can heal, love can grow, and those questions turn into commitments, doubts turn into joy! I can speak from experience as I sat in a hotel room 8 months ago, with a little boy that kept head butting me, crying as he slept next to me, wondering what on earth I had done! But the bible says that His mercies are new every morning, and that next morning brought peace and more love!

I can't tell you how much I just want to shout out loud, my love for this little girl! I want to hold her in my arms and tell her that this love is real, this love is forever, this love is divine! I hope that she does not remember any of those vapors of her past.  I am thankful for this lady, because she kept these files in hopes that one day she could share them with a family.  I am also thankful that "all things work together for good" - Romans 8:28.  It may seem strange to some of you reading this that I feel that way, but I do.  I understand that we do not live in a perfect world and that things happen out of our control. I hate that she had to endure them, but I know she was meant for our family.  Sometimes when I sit and think about dates in her past, I get sad! We were not ready to be Jessa's parents in 2010 or 2011.  God was at work in our lives, and although I don't think for a second that her disruptions were part of HIS plan, he allowed them to happen.  Without a doubt, He had a better plan for her all along. Sometimes it takes the storms in this life to bring the sunshine!  I love the verse, in a song by Laura Story,

                          "What if my greatest disappointments or the achings of this life   

                             is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?

What if trials of this life the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?

  

Adoption is a beautiful, beautiful, thing! The redemption of a child's life is the most precious event that one person can experience in their time on this earth! Humbled that He has allowed us to be a part of his kingdom this side of heaven!